My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
