hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's blow job season.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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