what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
