there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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