I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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