I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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