I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize