I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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