He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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