I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
love makes seman taste better
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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