If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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