I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
