I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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