so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
