I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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