I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
