It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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