How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
