If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
