i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize