Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
