Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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