Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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