the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
