You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
