he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just pee around me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
