well most of my day revolves around power hour
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
