maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He passed out mid-signature
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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