first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
