Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
