Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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