i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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