At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
