Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
