just come out here and I will go home with you...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize