Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
