soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
