I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
