marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
