hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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