if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize