I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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