Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
