after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
