at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
