I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
