It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Holy shit dude........stairs
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
