I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize