She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
