You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
