No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
