You really coming over, don't trick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
