I heard we made out
Are we in a gay sports bar?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
