I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
