But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
