when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
