how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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