Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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