It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
