The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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