Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The uberlube is also flammable
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
