My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
