Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize