she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
