What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
