Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
