I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
