it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
