So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
