You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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