Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize