So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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