French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
